[0.0s] previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[2.2s] Hello! Hello! You guys look like you need a quest!
[7.3s] Who says?
[8.1s] Me!
[9.0s] Yeah!
[9.5s] Damien Conference, Knight of the Round!
[11.9s] Where are you going?
[12.8s] To Daggerford!
[14.2s] Yeah, that and to help with the turnt gobbos.
[16.5s] Wait, there's turnt gobbos?
[19.4s] That's what Domain said!
[21.2s] One very important question.
[22.9s] Oh.
[23.8s] What direction is Daggerford in?
[26.3s] East!
[28.2s] Ish!
[29.8s] Turn that compass a little bit further southeast.
[33.6s] Unguard!
[34.6s] Oh, do I?
[35.8s] Do you think I need to save the world from you, sir?
[37.7s] If you are going to save the world,
[39.6s] I would like to help you further gird your loins against evil.
[43.2s] Ugh!
[43.8s] And in the best way, you get your brains out of the gutters!
[48.7s] Oh, first lesson!
[50.7s] Never bring a sword to a jam fight!
[53.7s] Or jam to a sword fight!
[55.6s] I learned that the hard way.
[57.0s] And Damien drops into a very respect-filled kneel
[59.8s] directly in front of Glim.
[61.8s] You have a lot of potential.
[63.9s] You need to keep practicing,
[65.3s] but you are on the road to greatness.
[67.8s] I believe that destiny,
[70.6s] with your friends supporting you, has chosen well.
[74.6s] Oh, well, thank you.
[76.3s] Thank you so much for your tutelage, circumference.
[78.4s] It means so much to me.
[79.7s] We are at your service, well, until we are in Daggerford,
[82.6s] and then we will see where our next adventure takes us.
[84.3s] But for the time being,
[86.0s] you have a friend in circumference in Birdie Lemieux.
[88.6s] Birdie's got just bird's seeds, just like, beacons.
[91.8s] Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
[115.2s] We're a D&D fifth edition actual play podcast,
[117.6s] and I'm your dungeon master, Russ Boren.
[119.0s] With me today is Amy More.
[120.6s] I am, I am here, and I play Sullivan Sleight,
[123.6s] a lightfoot halfling rogue.
[126.1s] And Carla Maxted.
[127.9s] I am here, and I play Glim, a dragonborn pAlydin.
[131.8s] And Tom Laird.
[133.4s] That's me, I play Moot.
[135.0s] He's a wild magic half-orc sorcerer.
[138.2s] And back with us again this week from North by North Quest,
[141.5s] Tiffany and David Alvard.
[143.2s] Hello!
[144.7s] We did it.
[145.4s] We did it, we're back.
[146.5s] Welcome back.
[147.1s] I am Damien Conference, aka Sir Conference,
[150.6s] the human lawful good pAlydin, night of the round,
[153.8s] because that's an exotic build right there.
[156.7s] I am Squire, Birdie Lemieux.
[159.6s] I am a, oh, what's my actual bird?
[162.0s] What are you, what bird?
[163.0s] What bird am I?
[163.7s] You should know, self-identity.
[165.4s] I'm a lilac, I'm a lilac-breasted roller.
[168.8s] Ken Q, so I'm very colorful.
[170.5s] And I am a pAlydin squire.
[173.0s] Yeah, I forgot to send the pictures to everybody.
[174.6s] They're so pretty.
[175.7s] All rainbowy.
[176.6s] Oh, they're so pretty.
[178.2s] They are lilac-breasted, as stated above.
[181.2s] Thank you again for coming back this week
[183.0s] to wrap up the epic tale of Sir Conference
[185.5s] and his traveling for others.
[191.3s] Wow, it's a very catchy question.
[194.2s] We totally just got superseded on our own podcast.
[197.0s] That just writes itself.
[198.2s] That just rolls off the tongue.
[201.0s] I went into it thinking, oh, God, I've got something.
[203.5s] And then it just fell apart.
[205.3s] It's Sir Conference and the fight against the turnt gobbos.
[209.7s] I was going for Sir Conference and the quest for jam,
[212.4s] but y'all can go that way.
[213.5s] That's fine, too.
[214.0s] We're getting jam.
[215.5s] Yeah, 100%.
[216.8s] Coming hell or high.
[217.8s] Hopefully both.
[219.1s] Or turnt gobbos.
[220.2s] We haven't run into either of those things yet.
[222.5s] So we're going to see how this episode goes.
[224.5s] Well, that's how Armageddon happens, right?
[226.1s] We have a plan.
[227.7s] You've got to stick to our plan.
[229.2s] The world.
[230.4s] I'm following as best I can here.
[232.1s] Jam and turnt gobbos.
[234.6s] Final five minutes.
[235.6s] There will be trouble.
[236.8s] Yeah, don't spoil the ending for us.
[239.0s] Spoilers.
[240.0s] Where there aren't spoilers is over on Patreon.
[242.1s] Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[244.2s] And when you are a patron of ours,
[245.6s] you get an episode dedicated to you like today's patron, Aaron Stevens.
[251.3s] Thank you very much.
[253.0s] Thank you, Aaron.
[253.8s] Go check it out.
[254.2s] Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[256.5s] And now, fuck it, let's play D&D.
[259.0s] Yeah.
[260.4s] Good job, Bertie.
[263.8s] The five of you are nearing the final day in your quest towards Daggerford.
[276.0s] It's a cloudy, overcast day.
[278.5s] You're getting a little tired.
[280.4s] You've taken adequate rest along the way,
[283.1s] but just walking that far takes it out of anybody.
[286.8s] All that training.
[287.9s] Trying to get my dueling up to snuff for circumference.
[291.2s] Glenn is doing excellent.
[295.3s] And so is Bertie.
[296.2s] Yeah, we're a great team.
[298.8s] Bertie is adequate.
[303.3s] Wow.
[306.2s] But see, what no one has seen is that out of the sight of everybody,
[310.0s] circumference is actually very proud of Bertie's progress.
[314.4s] He's just not showing it quite yet.
[317.8s] I earned my bird seed.
[319.4s] Thank you very much.
[322.1s] I also keep an extra stash of it when you tell me I don't earn it
[324.9s] so I can still have bird seed later.
[327.8s] It's like your secret candy stash.
[329.7s] Yeah, but like sunflower seeds.
[333.2s] What have Moot and Sully been up to?
[335.5s] I think Sully's been catching naps in the back.
[338.2s] I think he's been like, yeah, I'm going to go to this back corner,
[344.4s] because we're surrounding the caravan.
[346.4s] And then he hops up on the step that's there
[349.0s] and has really done very little walking in this entire trip.
[356.2s] Moot has been working on his powers of observation
[360.8s] because he felt like people have been seeing things on the road
[364.3s] and he's always like the last to see it.
[366.7s] So now he's like really trying to pay attention to things.
[370.9s] Like you're playing your own little game of eye spy with my little eye.
[374.3s] Yeah, and no one else knows that I'm doing it,
[376.7s] but like every now and then he just kind of like nods to himself.
[379.7s] Like, mm hmm.
[383.4s] What's one thing that you've seen that nobody else has seen?
[387.4s] A bird's nest in one of the trees.
[390.2s] No one else noticed it, but Moot saw it.
[395.0s] Good.
[395.4s] Or no one else thought it was important enough to mention.
[398.5s] Either way, you're carrying up the way.
[401.6s] You've turned off the main road and you're heading towards Daggerford.
[405.1s] Moot, because you're paying so very close attention.
[409.1s] Damien is still up front, but you're kind of just looking over his shoulder.
[412.6s] Perhaps he's engaged in conversation with Glim about the great dueling that you've been doing.
[419.2s] You see a small humanoid figure running up the path in front of you,
[429.5s] quite a distance away, running towards you.
[433.7s] The trees are overhanging, so it's quite shadowy in the area that you're in,
[438.1s] but it's running at a fair clip towards you.
[443.8s] Does anybody see that up ahead?
[446.0s] Or was I the first to spot it?
[448.6s] Oh, spot what?
[451.9s] Well, something's running towards us.
[453.5s] You can't see that.
[454.2s] Oh, hail and well met.
[456.6s] Thing!
[457.8s] Coming this direction, that Moot just pointed out.
[461.0s] Hello?
[465.1s] You hear, help, please hide, hide me.
[468.6s] And you see a goblin in noble clothes.
[475.4s] They're running towards you in your caravan,
[477.7s] and they're looking over their shoulder and running towards you.
[480.9s] And as they get closer, you see that they're wearing
[484.5s] clothes that are embroidered with the symbol of the Waterdeep Guard.
[490.2s] Oh, oh, oh, how can we help you?
[495.1s] Well, as they get closer, they catch their breath.
[502.4s] The goat riders, they're coming.
[505.3s] I'm sorry, the goat riders?
[506.5s] The goat riders.
[508.6s] Yes, that's where they get their name from, the goat riders.
[512.0s] They're coming.
[513.6s] They're coming after me, please hide me.
[515.4s] Why are they coming after you?
[517.5s] I was, I was sent to set up Daggerford and then, excuse me.
[524.4s] You're excused.
[526.0s] I was sent to set up Daggerford and then all of these vicious, vicious of goblins.
[536.4s] I mean, this is going to be a hard sell for you because I myself am a goblin.
[541.8s] But I don't, I don't, I fall in line with the City Guard of Waterdeep.
[547.8s] I don't fall in line with the way my people have taken, especially the goat riders.
[553.0s] They've got a bad name in and of themselves, but they bust in and they chased me out.
[559.8s] And they said they'd come get me for being a turncoat.
[564.7s] Oh, well, your coat doesn't seem turned at all.
[567.8s] Uh, and as birdies kind of like looking at them, I want to use my divine sense.
[576.6s] So I can detect good and evil and I can sense anything affected by the hollow spell
[583.6s] or know the location of any celestial fiend undead within 60 feet.
[589.1s] That's not beyond total cover.
[590.6s] Basically, I want to know if he's okay.
[592.2s] Like if he's good, if he's evil,
[596.4s] is he a turnt gobo or a gobo on our side?
[601.8s] You get the distinct feeling that he is being honest and he is telling you,
[607.6s] at least as far as you can tell, the truth as he knows it.
[611.4s] Sir, I think we need to help them.
[614.0s] You think that the goblin is speaking the truth.
[617.7s] This one seems to be totally truthful and good and not one of the goat rider turnt gobbos.
[627.9s] Yes, the goat riders.
[629.7s] Would you be willing to stake your life on it, squire?
[634.0s] Yes.
[635.8s] Okay, I wouldn't.
[638.3s] And he casts Zone of Truth on the little noble goblin and he's like,
[645.0s] First be ye friend or foe.
[650.1s] I got a wisdom save on that, don't I?
[651.6s] Yes.
[653.9s] I was trying to slide that one right past you too.
[656.7s] I'm not going to slide nothing past me.
[658.9s] That's uh, well, what's your DC?
[662.6s] Sounds like you probably slid it past him.
[665.0s] What's your DC?
[665.8s] 13.
[667.1s] Okay, um, well, Sully, Amy, player knows, but I'm going to keep it.
[674.0s] How do you want to play this?
[675.8s] Because you wouldn't normally know.
[677.9s] So if it failed, it cannot tell a deliberate lie.
[681.5s] Yes, that is true.
[682.9s] But you, you as a character would not know necessarily.
[686.7s] Yeah, correct.
[688.1s] So I think circumference is going to play it under the assumption that it took
[692.1s] and he's going to roll with the information he gets.
[696.3s] Be ye friend or foe.
[698.3s] I'm, I'm a friend.
[699.8s] I'm of the, I'm of the Waterdeep City Guard.
[702.3s] And do you intend to hurt us?
[706.5s] No, I was hoping that you would, you would help me.
[709.0s] You come bearing the supplies that were sent towards Daggerford, no?
[717.1s] Well, I mean, I was just looking for the giant jam jar, but like, yeah.
[721.9s] Oh.
[723.1s] Do you know where the jam jar is?
[724.2s] The biggest one.
[725.6s] You must be truthfully if you know where the giant jam jar is.
[729.9s] The real, like the largest.
[733.4s] Well, how big have you heard that the giant jam jar is?
[737.4s] The world's largest jam jar.
[741.5s] I know of a very large jam jar.
[743.4s] We didn't say very large.
[745.9s] World's largest.
[747.2s] Wait, I feel like we've gotten off topic, sir.
[749.4s] Big bird arms, Bertie Lemieux.
[751.4s] Use your dress.
[752.1s] There you go.
[754.2s] Yes.
[754.8s] Yes, I know, I know where, if that will help get you to come help Daggerford.
[760.3s] Okay, I guess.
[760.7s] I know where there is a giant jam jar.
[763.1s] Giant jam jar.
[763.9s] Now we're talking.
[764.5s] See, sir, I told you he was very good and helpful.
[766.6s] All right.
[766.9s] Well, then how far away are these goat riders?
[770.5s] Well, they, I got away and I snuck away and I went through the trees and over the hills
[775.5s] and through, through, down through the forest here and then came out on here.
[779.5s] So I'm hoping they, I'm hoping they got distracted and went back or just gave up,
[786.3s] but they're back.
[787.0s] How many was there?
[787.9s] How big were the goats?
[789.1s] Were they like mountain climbing goats that can hop around or they just like small normal goats?
[793.1s] Root.
[794.2s] What?
[794.6s] They have big, they have big horns and they, they, they do hop.
[798.4s] I guess they could be mountain goats.
[800.1s] Yes.
[800.5s] See, that's important to know because a mountain goat is bigger than a normal goat,
[803.2s] which means they must be bigger so they can travel much farther.
[807.1s] Moot.
[807.9s] Glim.
[808.8s] Sully.
[809.4s] Sully.
[809.8s] Sully.
[810.1s] Wake up, Sully.
[811.1s] What do you all think?
[813.2s] What do we, what do you want to, do you want to help this, this noble fellow?
[817.5s] Do we believe him and we want to watch out for the oncoming storm?
[823.1s] Goat riders.
[825.4s] The oncoming goat riders.
[828.7s] And we're thinking that goat riders are the turn.
[831.9s] So they're turn goat.
[833.1s] The turn stop is on goats.
[836.0s] Turn goats.
[836.8s] Or goat riders turn.
[839.0s] I don't want it to sound like the goats are turned because I don't think that's the case.
[842.3s] No one has said that so far.
[843.4s] No, the goats are normal goats.
[845.5s] It's the gobbos who are turned.
[847.5s] The riders, goat riders of the storm.
[850.1s] Goat riding, turn gobbos.
[853.7s] Sully clamors down from the back of one of the caravan wagons and like comes up
[860.3s] like rubbing his eyes and is like, what the hell is going on here?
[865.7s] This guy's trying to sleep in the back.
[867.9s] Turned gobbos.
[869.7s] There's some burnt gobbos?
[871.4s] We're pretty sure.
[872.3s] No, turned gobbos.
[873.5s] We're pretty sure turned gobbos are coming on goats.
[878.4s] Okay, sorry.
[879.1s] So there are, there are goblins on goats?
[881.6s] Yes.
[882.9s] Says this water deep guard goblin.
[887.5s] I will call you a goblin.
[888.7s] Standing in my zone of truth.
[893.1s] I have been telling you the truth.
[895.5s] My name is Fen, Fen Talma.
[900.3s] I am of the water deep city guard.
[902.5s] I was sent to Daggerford to await you with all the supplies
[906.4s] to help set up the city for the people to come.
[912.0s] Oh my, but you seem really all right.
[916.0s] What did you do to this poor goblin?
[918.0s] He's so worked up right now.
[919.5s] Buddy, do you want to take a seat in the back of the caravan?
[922.2s] Well, I have been running since Daggerford.
[924.4s] Yeah, you go ahead.
[925.2s] We'll take care of these gobbos on ghosts.
[929.3s] Before you ghost, can you tell us how many there are?
[932.6s] Well, there were quite a few.
[935.4s] There was one larger goblin.
[939.2s] He seemed to be the leader barking orders.
[943.9s] They all went into Daggerford.
[945.1s] I was chased off by three, maybe four goat riding goblins, the goat riders.
[953.5s] And then there were a number of other goblins that went into the city.
[959.1s] Let's go fuck some shit up.
[960.5s] Yeah, what's the name of our merchant man Horace?
[963.2s] What's his name?
[964.1s] Herman?
[964.7s] Hey, Hamish.
[965.9s] Hiram?
[966.9s] Hamish, is this the nobleman that we seek?
[971.5s] Hamish didn't go with you.
[975.5s] Damien suddenly realized that, oh, forget that I said that.
[980.7s] Hmm.
[982.6s] I think we should help him because he seems like a very good and trustworthy person,
[989.0s] and we take care of these goat riders.
[994.0s] Plus it will be excellent experience for Glim.
[998.3s] Yes.
[999.0s] And Moot and Sully.
[1000.7s] We came here to fight some goblins and see some jam,
[1004.8s] and we're going to do at least one of those things today.
[1007.4s] It's definitely the jam when we're done with the gobbos.
[1011.7s] That's what I was thinking.
[1012.7s] Let's do this thing.
[1015.2s] Okay, you should probably be very careful because the goat riders, they're very wily.
[1023.3s] So are we, wily, and like a little bird bob, like a head bob.
[1029.0s] Okay, are we, are we, are we, how are we doing this?
[1033.4s] I mean, you can stay here because you wanted to not-
[1036.6s] Do you know where you're going?
[1038.1s] To Daggerford?
[1040.2s] Yeah.
[1040.7s] Which one of you three are the tactician of your group?
[1044.6s] Who takes point on these sorts of encounters?
[1048.2s] Oh, I've been a tactician before.
[1050.0s] Sully, what do you suggest we do?
[1052.2s] I will follow your very learned lead.
[1055.5s] Well, it all depends on whether or not we're using brass tacks,
[1059.5s] or if we're using steel tacks, or if we're going to use some gold tacks,
[1064.5s] and it all really depends on what kind of material you're tacking together.
[1068.1s] Uh, I was planning to use my short sword to attack them.
[1076.8s] Attack, Birdie, attack.
[1078.9s] Yeah, see, attack.
[1081.9s] I don't think we're talking about the same thing at all.
[1084.7s] No, I haven't taken-
[1086.5s] A tactician, I don't think it means what you think it means.
[1090.4s] Yeah, I haven't taken that class yet.
[1095.2s] I'm only a second year squire.
[1098.0s] That's for third year squire.
[1099.5s] What does Mute and Grimm suggest?
[1102.5s] Maybe one of them have a better idea.
[1105.4s] Why don't you have an idea?
[1107.1s] You're the knight here.
[1108.4s] I am.
[1109.5s] And this would be a great experience to follow one of your leads into glorious battle
[1114.7s] on the way to protect our new friend.
[1117.7s] I don't think he wants to make the plan, you guys.
[1119.9s] Well, I think Venn should come with us because he's in the city guard,
[1125.7s] so he must be strong and brave and only had to run away because it's just him.
[1130.3s] Overpowered, I was.
[1132.7s] Exactly, but now you've got us.
[1134.7s] So, and you know where we're going and you said you snuck away,
[1138.6s] so maybe we can sneak in.
[1141.0s] Yeah, I could help with that.
[1143.9s] Okay, so we sneak in and we get them all.
[1146.9s] So we sneak in, fight the turn gobbos, eat some jam.
[1150.7s] I like that plan.
[1151.8s] This sounds great.
[1152.5s] That's a way better plan than I had, which was use him as bait.
[1157.0s] Glad we're listening to you.
[1163.1s] I answered everything truthfully to the best of my knowledge.
[1167.5s] That's where you went first.
[1170.5s] I wouldn't take it personal.
[1172.4s] I went to Sully first, to be fair.
[1174.6s] That was like third or fourth down the list, so we'll put you in the back.
[1179.8s] And that was your first mistake.
[1181.3s] Okay, well.
[1184.2s] How about Sully protect you?
[1186.2s] Y'all can take the back.
[1189.3s] Yes.
[1189.7s] Cool, yeah, sure.
[1193.1s] I don't know what's happening.
[1194.9s] We're going to sneak in to Daggerford and take care of the gobo problem
[1201.7s] and then have jam.
[1203.7s] All right.
[1204.6s] You continue up the path towards Daggerford.
[1207.9s] You hide as best you can your caravan before you get to where Finn says
[1217.1s] the sight lines of Daggerford are.
[1220.1s] You clear through the forest line and you see as you come around the corner
[1225.4s] a walled city and he says there's Daggerford and it overlooks
[1232.6s] the river that you now see opening up off to the south of the city.
[1239.0s] The big one, I think he's probably, I don't know if he was able to get
[1243.9s] into the castle.
[1244.7s] They had everything pretty boarded up, but he probably went at least
[1251.0s] to one of the bigger, to the bigger houses.
[1254.3s] And as you watch for a moment, you see now six
[1261.8s] goat riding goblins, goblins riding, six, yeah, goat riding goblins.
[1268.4s] Not goats riding goblins.
[1271.5s] Six goat riding goblins moving around the perimeter.
[1275.5s] You see several goblins off into the pier, off in the river.
[1281.0s] They're like ransacking through ships and you see a few kind of running
[1286.2s] in and out of the city.
[1288.3s] Well, if I know anything about goblins, and I think I do, and it's kind of like
[1293.8s] being in prison, you gotta kill the biggest one.
[1298.1s] Oh, you just take out the biggest goblin and then all the other goblins
[1301.6s] don't know what to do anymore?
[1303.4s] Yeah, they're really simple hate and offense.
[1307.1s] No, it's fine.
[1307.8s] I separated ways with their kind quite a while ago.
[1312.7s] Yeah, so, you know, if they don't have anyone to take any
[1315.6s] direction from, they just kind of disband until they come across the next bigger goblin.
[1322.9s] Okay.
[1323.5s] Okay, so let's go find the big guy then.
[1326.7s] Yes.
[1327.2s] And how do we sneak in?
[1332.1s] Quietly.
[1334.1s] Quietly is probably best.
[1337.5s] There are two main entrances.
[1339.6s] Well, there's the main entrance there.
[1341.2s] There's one smaller entrance that goes underground often to the north of the city there.
[1347.6s] If we can time, I don't know, the perimeter check or take out one of the goat-riding goblins,
[1355.5s] maybe we can sneak in the north entrance?
[1361.9s] We gotta go through the north entrance if we can take out one of the guard goblins.
[1369.5s] I'd say we could try and disguise.
[1373.6s] I could probably disguise, you know, Sully and Birdie here.
[1380.7s] They're small.
[1382.1s] Yes.
[1382.6s] Disguised as what?
[1384.1s] As goblins.
[1386.4s] Wait, you think you could disguise me as a goblin?
[1390.7s] She's covered in feathers.
[1391.7s] Feathery.
[1394.0s] They are covered in feathers.
[1396.1s] They are covered in feathers, yes.
[1398.7s] I've picked up many good skills along the way, but you let me know which way you want to go.
[1404.0s] We could sneak you both through.
[1406.0s] I don't know about your taller friends.
[1408.2s] They would be much more difficult.
[1410.6s] Does anybody have a bow and arrow?
[1412.7s] Oh, yeah, I do.
[1413.5s] I have a crossbow.
[1414.9s] I gotta show a bow.
[1415.5s] Because maybe we could just time the perimeter guards, shoot one, and then get in.
[1422.0s] Sure.
[1424.3s] I like the costume idea.
[1425.9s] I love a full costume montage.
[1432.1s] But maybe, maybe we shouldn't separate because, no offense, Fen,
[1438.5s] there is still a possibility that you're just tricking us.
[1442.0s] That's fair.
[1443.8s] He did yell zone of truth at me, though.
[1446.7s] He did.
[1446.8s] And I assume that stands for something in your group.
[1449.8s] It does, to me.
[1452.7s] Yep.
[1453.3s] It's when we all agree to just tell the truth in that circle of trust.
[1458.8s] Trust circle.
[1459.9s] Trust circle.
[1462.3s] Sully pulls out his short bow.
[1466.3s] Bertie's just covered in weapons and no one seems to notice.
[1470.0s] So from around their back, they pull out a heavy crossbow.
[1474.3s] Maybe I should call you arsenal and not root.
[1478.8s] It blends in with my plumage because I painted it.
[1481.6s] Yeah, the plumage is so thick.
[1483.1s] To camouflage.
[1484.1s] And I painted it to match.
[1487.4s] Wow.
[1487.7s] I love it even more.
[1490.0s] That's amazing camouflage.
[1492.0s] It's kind of like the disguise I would have used on you.
[1496.7s] Yeah, it's a lot easier, I think, to camouflage a crossbow to look like my
[1501.0s] plumage than to make my plumage look like a gobo.
[1504.8s] You're not wrong.
[1507.2s] It might have been a work of art.
[1510.5s] Well.
[1511.4s] But I was willing to try if that's what you wanted.
[1514.5s] Another day.
[1514.9s] While everyone's talking, Sully lets loose an arrow at one of the guards on goats.
[1521.9s] Oh, we're starting.
[1523.1s] Time the show.
[1524.7s] No, Sully's going for it.
[1526.3s] Because you're still at the main entrance.
[1528.3s] You haven't even gone around to the side entrance yet.
[1530.3s] Yeah, I just started shooting.
[1531.9s] Okay, oh, we're doing this.
[1533.3s] Okay.
[1533.6s] Okay, roll.
[1535.5s] And your halfling friend takes the initiative quite literally.
[1542.7s] Okay, so there's one right out front that gets pegged right in the head
[1549.5s] with your crossbow bolt.
[1551.5s] It goes, it lets out, you hear just like an eee,
[1555.1s] and it drops off of the goat and the goat runs off one way.
[1559.3s] Some goblins run out the main door, main entrance, which they have been doing.
[1564.9s] In my description, they look, they yell,
[1570.8s] and then you hear like a jangling going on inside, like a makeshift bell of sort.
[1578.2s] And you see them all start to rush back towards Daggerford.
[1583.5s] Guys, I think I made a mistake.
[1586.3s] But we're here now, and Brady yells,
[1588.3s] take that gobo and fires a crossbow bolt at one.
[1592.3s] As Damien says to Sully, you're a paragon of stealth.
[1597.0s] Thank you, Seth.
[1598.8s] That's a six.
[1602.2s] There's a lot happening.
[1603.3s] It goes wide and kind of skids to the ground.
[1606.5s] The goblin you were aiming at sees it and turns and looks up towards where it came from.
[1613.4s] Are you at all trying to hide at this point, anybody?
[1616.5s] Oh yeah, well Sully's hiding.
[1617.9s] He's like behind a tree.
[1620.7s] He's all stealthy and shit.
[1622.1s] Brady popped up, yelled, take that gobos, fired.
[1626.1s] And then when the gobo looked at them, because they didn't get it,
[1628.7s] they tried to duck back down, but didn't make it.
[1633.5s] So you see, because they saw you, you see that they see where you are.
[1639.3s] And you see goblins running up and on the walls now, and they too have crossbows.
[1647.3s] Sir, I think we need a strategic retreat.
[1652.8s] Well, quick group.
[1654.2s] Do we retreat and regroup or do we just sally forth into the fray?
[1658.2s] Then we're going to die.
[1659.1s] No, I think we run.
[1660.3s] Yeah, we're going to die.
[1662.2s] There is honor in living to fight.
[1664.5s] Another day retreat.
[1665.8s] Strategic retreat.
[1667.6s] And Brady gets like flapping behind circumference.
[1672.1s] Are Glim and Moot also retreating?
[1674.3s] Oh, I mean, I think we have to.
[1676.2s] There are so many goblins.
[1677.4s] There are a lot of goblins.
[1678.9s] Too many gobos.
[1681.1s] So many more than I originally thought.
[1683.8s] We didn't even get close enough to see if they were turnt.
[1686.7s] Who knows what kind of party atmosphere is in that castle.
[1689.5s] Tom Fritz was definitely trying to be quiet,
[1691.2s] because he knew he's in pretty much full plate armor and a cape,
[1694.1s] so he knew he wasn't going to be stealthy.
[1695.5s] And then y'all are like, here, have some arrows.
[1697.1s] We're right here.
[1697.6s] And he's like, oh, maybe I should have just gone.
[1699.1s] I don't think we all did that.
[1700.6s] No, I think just one of us did.
[1702.7s] No, Sully did it and then Brady thought that's what we were doing,
[1705.5s] so Brady tried to help.
[1707.6s] Sully heard we're going to shoot them,
[1709.4s] and then he just went with that information.
[1713.1s] OK, so you are booking it back to the caravan.
[1717.6s] The drivers, who we haven't introduced at all,
[1720.1s] see you coming running full tilt.
[1723.1s] Are you, start the caravan.
[1726.7s] They're busy trying to get their horses moving
[1729.8s] and the wagons going in the opposite direction,
[1732.1s] and you hear the sound of hooves coming from behind you.
[1737.1s] You turn to see, coming up over the hill,
[1741.1s] seven goblins riding goats.
[1746.1s] I think about 30 feet behind the caravan.
[1749.9s] So between the caravan and the goats of the storm,
[1757.1s] Damien turns around with his back to the caravan
[1760.0s] and kind of tanks in position to try to guard our flank.
[1763.5s] So, Brady, if you're going to be next to me, be next to me.
[1770.8s] Brady will be next to you.
[1772.4s] Cool.
[1772.9s] A squire stays with their knight.
[1774.7s] That's right, Root.
[1777.5s] What are Moot, Glim, and Sully doing?
[1781.5s] The drivers are trying to turn the caravan back around.
[1785.0s] OK, and there isn't any other passengers, is there?
[1787.0s] It's all just goods.
[1788.4s] OK, then I will also stay to fight.
[1791.5s] I don't need to help the drivers.
[1793.2s] They are better at doing the driving than I am.
[1796.0s] So I will fight.
[1797.7s] Sully will fight, too, because he got us into this mess.
[1801.5s] Yeah, Moot's ready for it.
[1802.8s] OK, set a timer here.
[1807.2s] Everybody, roll initiative.
[1809.5s] We all strike a dramatic team pose.
[1812.5s] 21.
[1813.1s] Oh, my god.
[1816.9s] Guys, I rolled a one, so it's a good start.
[1820.8s] It's all right.
[1821.2s] You got it out of the way.
[1822.0s] Exactly.
[1822.3s] That's right.
[1824.2s] 17 for Moot.
[1826.2s] 19 for Bertie Lemieux.
[1829.1s] 24.
[1829.7s] OK, so the goblins are far enough out
[1831.6s] that they're not going to make it to you this turn.
[1834.4s] They are charging towards you.
[1837.4s] Damien is up first.
[1839.1s] Oh, and you said they're how far out?
[1842.2s] I know you said not this turn, but.
[1846.9s] Goat running full tilt.
[1850.2s] Do the math and the physics.
[1852.5s] Can you say they're going to dash on their turn?
[1854.3s] If seven goblins on goats, leave Daggerford.
[1857.1s] Yeah, are they African or European?
[1861.1s] Let's say they're 80 feet out.
[1867.0s] That's a far off goblin.
[1868.4s] And as they get to about 80 feet,
[1872.7s] you see on the backs of the goats
[1876.8s] that there are, in fact, two goblins per goat on some of them.
[1882.5s] Two goblins per goat.
[1883.5s] OK, I think what Damien's going to do
[1885.3s] is he's going to actually hold his turn
[1886.9s] until the first two gobo goat gets within melee attack range.
[1893.3s] OK, so right up on you.
[1895.5s] Yeah.
[1896.6s] OK, Sully.
[1898.8s] Sully is going to shoot his short bow at any of whichever ones.
[1904.9s] Sure.
[1907.0s] Oh, no, he might not.
[1908.9s] 14.
[1909.9s] Are you aiming for the goblin or the goat?
[1911.5s] Oh, the goblin.
[1912.4s] What kind of a monster do you think I am?
[1914.7s] I mean, you started all this shit, so.
[1917.9s] Never once shot a goat.
[1919.1s] Fair enough.
[1919.9s] And she also aimed for a goblin that time, Russ.
[1923.8s] Yes, you do hit the goblin.
[1924.8s] Oh, I do hit the goblin.
[1926.2s] Make a big fucking deal about it if I actually hit him.
[1931.8s] Nine damage.
[1933.4s] You hit that goblin square in the chest
[1937.4s] and it falls to the ground.
[1939.1s] There's a goblin sitting behind it
[1940.6s] who takes the reins of the goat and continues to charge forward.
[1945.4s] Bertie.
[1946.4s] Bertie is going to aim their crossbow at a gobo, but not a goat,
[1955.0s] and is going to try and attack them.
[1959.2s] That's an 11.
[1962.3s] It glances off the shoulder plate armor of one of these goats
[1966.5s] and goes wide up into the trees.
[1969.4s] Ah, before I am done, who of our new friends
[1976.0s] has the lowest armor class?
[1978.0s] Because I'm going to cast Shield of Faith on them.
[1981.3s] Oh, oh, it's me, it's me, it's me.
[1982.9s] Okay, perfect.
[1984.4s] Moot, I am going to cast Shield of Faith on you.
[1988.0s] And a little shimmery, probably turquoisey field comes around you
[1992.3s] and you get plus two to your AC for 10 minutes.
[1996.3s] What is your armor class?
[2000.3s] Normally, it's 10.
[2002.5s] You're welcome.
[2004.9s] Well, I'm a sorcerer.
[2005.9s] They don't exactly wear plate mail.
[2007.5s] That's true.
[2008.3s] That's fair.
[2009.1s] And just so I know, Bertie, you're to my right, like within five feet.
[2013.0s] Is anyone else within five feet of me?
[2016.8s] I probably am.
[2018.2s] I imagined us all standing.
[2019.9s] Kind of in a line.
[2020.7s] The three of us are Charlie's Angels style.
[2022.7s] Yes.
[2023.2s] I don't know.
[2023.7s] Okay.
[2024.8s] Okay.
[2025.9s] I'm Cameron Diaz.
[2029.5s] Okay, Moot, as you get the signal that you have a higher armor class now,
[2034.8s] it is your turn.
[2036.7s] I am going to use my cantrip Frostbite.
[2044.4s] So I am causing a numbing frost to form on one creature
[2048.4s] that I can see within range.
[2049.8s] I'll take the lead Gobbo.
[2051.8s] Okay.
[2053.2s] He has to make a constitution saving throw.
[2055.3s] Well, you know, Goblin's in their constitution.
[2058.4s] Through the roof, I know.
[2061.3s] Three.
[2062.9s] Yeah, yeah.
[2063.6s] So you're going to take 1d6 cold damage
[2066.1s] and that Gobbo will have disadvantage on the next weapon attack roll it makes
[2070.7s] before the end of his next turn.
[2071.8s] All right, roll me some damage.
[2074.6s] Six damage.
[2076.2s] It lets out a scream in pain as the frost begins to course through its body
[2082.1s] and it releases its hands from the reins
[2084.4s] and it's just hopping on top of this goblin
[2086.6s] or on top of this goat.
[2087.8s] Oh my God, Goblin's riding Goblins.
[2090.2s] Oh no.
[2091.9s] What does this goblin come to?
[2093.9s] That's sad.
[2097.1s] And that is all for your turn?
[2099.0s] That's it.
[2099.6s] Glim.
[2101.6s] I am going to cast Bless on Circumference and Birdie
[2108.0s] and, well, let's say Sully because, you know,
[2115.0s] Mood already got a spell cast on him.
[2118.4s] So I'm going to Bless three creatures
[2120.8s] and when you make an attack roll or a saving throw for the next one minute
[2124.8s] you can roll an extra d4 and add that to it.
[2129.8s] To the attack roll, not the damage?
[2133.0s] Attack roll or saving throw.
[2136.7s] Cool.
[2138.0s] The wagons have kind of turned themselves perpendicular in the path.
[2144.6s] You look back and you see that the goblins,
[2147.2s] the ones that are riding double on the goat,
[2152.2s] hop off and tuck and roll and run into the trees.
[2155.9s] So you see four goblins run into the trees.
[2159.6s] At this point, two goats are running just with the pack with no goblins on top.
[2164.8s] So five goblins are still on goats.
[2167.6s] Two goats are goblin-less and four goblins have run into the trees.
[2173.0s] Is this a Dr. Seuss book?
[2177.1s] The goats have dashed forward and they come up to you.
[2180.3s] You can get your attack there, Damian.
[2182.3s] Oh, all right.
[2184.1s] So if that's the case, Circumference, he has shield in one hand
[2189.2s] and Giant Slayer's sword in the other hand
[2192.4s] and he reels back and he slices out at one of the double gobo goats that come near him.
[2203.1s] 23.
[2205.0s] Yeah, that will hit.
[2206.0s] That, yes.
[2207.6s] And sorry, you're swinging at the double gobo goat?
[2211.6s] No, no, no, at above the goat.
[2213.7s] I just got it.
[2216.2s] I'm just making sure.
[2217.7s] He wants to continue his slice through the two goblins.
[2221.9s] That's the goal.
[2224.0s] So he gets 10 points of damage and he gets a second attack.
[2231.1s] 12.
[2233.4s] 12 does not hit.
[2235.0s] The first cut through does go through one goblin and slices into a second goblin.
[2245.2s] And then your second swing goes wide as the goblins are now crashing into your location.
[2252.8s] And now it's back to your actual turn, Damian.
[2256.1s] All right.
[2257.2s] He's going to repeat it on the same two goblins because he wants to take them out.
[2262.2s] Ah, Jesus.
[2263.7s] Well, the first one's a 12, so that didn't work.
[2269.4s] Yeah, it's with a d4.
[2272.7s] So that one was an 11.
[2274.7s] So he connected and then he just got way too excited.
[2280.3s] He was trying to think of some quip before he actually hit.
[2284.8s] That didn't work out too well, but he's got his shield at the ready.
[2288.3s] So any goblins that attack either Glim or Bertie Lemieux,
[2292.8s] he as a reaction can impose disadvantage on their attack rolls.
[2296.5s] Okay, sounds good.
[2298.1s] Sully, you are up.
[2299.3s] All of the goat goblins are now right up on you.
[2304.4s] And you saw four goblins run off into the trees a ways back.
[2310.2s] Okay, can I try and how tall are these goats?
[2318.0s] They're goat size.
[2319.7s] Can Sully vault over the head of a goat as it comes towards him so that he can land
[2331.1s] reverse cowgirl on this goat and in front of a goblin?
[2340.5s] In the lap of a goblin, that's what he wants to do.
[2345.7s] Like dexterity?
[2346.6s] Is that like acrobatics?
[2349.0s] I think there's going to be some acrobatics involved in this.
[2354.6s] Oh no.
[2357.8s] Do I get to add four to this roll?
[2361.3s] No, attack roll or saving throw.
[2363.2s] Dang, that's only an eight.
[2365.0s] How I picture this is they're charging towards you.
[2370.0s] You're staring down this goat, you reach for the horns and you throw yourself up,
[2375.2s] which I guess in a sense helps because you drive one goat down and it stumbles.
[2382.8s] You fly over top, not fly, but you like jump because you're not propelling yourself very far,
[2388.9s] but you come face to face with the goat right in behind and it hits you
[2394.7s] for four bludgeoning damage with its horns.
[2400.6s] I don't even get to stab anything.
[2403.2s] I mean, you're on the face of a goat right now, so.
[2406.0s] Is it still my turn?
[2407.9s] You haven't done anything.
[2409.9s] I think I've done enough.
[2412.1s] Um, with what I'm, I'm holding onto the horn of one goat and with my other hand,
[2422.6s] I take a dagger out and I dagger into the side of the goblin riding this goat.
[2430.3s] Roll to attack.
[2431.7s] Yeah, son of a mother fucking.
[2436.8s] That one you can add.
[2437.9s] I can add a D4 to this one.
[2441.2s] Okay.
[2443.6s] So that's seven plus 14 that will hit.
[2446.8s] Nice.
[2447.2s] Okay.
[2447.4s] One D4 plus five.
[2449.0s] Jesus.
[2455.1s] Uh, this is six.
[2456.5s] There's it's too much.
[2458.7s] Can't handle it.
[2462.1s] Yeah.
[2463.6s] All right.
[2463.8s] So it's six.
[2465.0s] Did I say that out loud?
[2477.1s] We're here in the middle.
[2482.2s] How you doing?
[2485.2s] We're gonna talk at you for a while.
[2488.1s] Wait for a response.
[2490.4s] We're here.
[2492.7s] Oh, it's still going.
[2495.2s] No one's talking to me.
[2496.7s] I'm just going to keep going.
[2500.1s] Oh, okay.
[2501.6s] I mean, I was curious to see how long it would go.
[2503.6s] I just wanted to see if he was going to keep rhyming.
[2505.7s] He didn't.
[2506.4s] No, no rhymes usually end up very quickly.
[2510.1s] And that's usually when I bail on it.
[2512.1s] And then we jump into the middle.
[2513.8s] Hi everybody.
[2514.5s] Welcome to the middle.
[2515.3s] Hey listeners, welcome to the middle.
[2518.1s] We're just your friends who have awkward conversations before they talk to you.
[2521.8s] You know, we're those people at the party.
[2524.0s] You know, like normal friends.
[2525.2s] We are those people.
[2526.7s] It's true.
[2527.7s] Accurate.
[2528.5s] We just wanted to remind you while we had you here,
[2531.0s] had your undivided attention,
[2533.1s] that we have another show that is in its second episode right now,
[2537.2s] second of 10 episodes, and it's called Facing Fate.
[2539.9s] And it's really super cool, we think.
[2542.7s] And we'd like you to go check it out.
[2544.2s] Yes, we would love it if you would go listen to it.
[2546.2s] It is different.
[2547.7s] Do you like kind of thrills and suspense?
[2551.0s] Sci-fis.
[2551.5s] Sci-fi and space.
[2554.0s] Otherworldly things.
[2555.1s] And other stuff.
[2555.8s] And hooks.
[2556.7s] Don't forget the hooks.
[2558.1s] So many hooks.
[2560.8s] All those background hooks we have to cut in in post.
[2563.6s] Background hooks.
[2564.3s] By we, I mean Russ.
[2565.3s] Yep, so you got to listen to all 10 episodes.
[2567.2s] Find all the hooks and then you win the prize.
[2569.4s] Yay.
[2570.1s] And the prize is that you got to listen to our new podcast, Facing Fate.
[2574.4s] Now you're hooked on it and you'll probably come out and see us for season two.
[2581.5s] Finally somebody saw what I was doing with the hooks.
[2584.0s] I got it, you guys.
[2585.8s] I'll take total credit for that.
[2587.1s] Absolutely.
[2588.1s] Where you can hear the actually the full season is over on Patreon.
[2591.3s] Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[2593.2s] All of our patrons of dumb dragons productions, which we are.
[2597.6s] Yeah, that's us.
[2598.4s] That's us.
[2598.8s] Word.
[2599.5s] How fancy are we?
[2600.6s] Super fancy.
[2603.0s] They get early access to full seasons of Facing Fate before they drop for the public.
[2608.4s] So over at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
[2611.1s] You can go check that out.
[2612.0s] And over there, you also, even at the, our entry level tier, which is $2 a month,
[2619.1s] you get access to another podcast in and of itself, which is super sweet.
[2625.2s] It's exclusive to patrons only.
[2627.3s] And it's our side scroller.
[2628.9s] It's, you know, kind of Russ named it The Adventures of,
[2632.8s] because Tom refused to give a name.
[2634.9s] That's right.
[2636.0s] Sticking with our usual tradition.
[2637.9s] He can refuse.
[2639.2s] And Tom is the DM.
[2640.8s] Yeah.
[2641.6s] Tom is the DM.
[2643.8s] Russ is full of shenanigans as a player.
[2646.4s] I thought you were going to say full of shit.
[2648.6s] Yes, that too.
[2649.7s] Russ is just full of shit.
[2654.6s] Russ, Russ plays a tabaxi bard.
[2657.2s] Amy plays a Goliath barbarian and Carla plays an ASMR monk.
[2663.9s] So we have a very wide range of things going on.
[2667.6s] There are, we're in our third season over there.
[2670.3s] So there are more seasons than the main feed.
[2674.0s] So if you think about it that way, more bang for your buck.
[2676.8s] Oh, yeah.
[2678.2s] I hear now, in hindsight, what we've talked about in the middle of this time.
[2681.7s] And it was a lot of, you know, it's great listening to us.
[2685.8s] You know, it would be great just to a little bit more us as different people.
[2692.3s] It's real fun.
[2693.0s] We wouldn't love it if you did.
[2694.4s] Have you found you just don't get enough of us?
[2696.9s] I've heard that before.
[2697.8s] Once you get caught up, people are like, oh, I wish we had more.
[2701.9s] Well, now what do I do?
[2703.7s] We have so many bonus things over there.
[2705.7s] So many options.
[2706.2s] So many.
[2708.2s] I haven't done the math in a while,
[2709.3s] but it's got to be close to like 40 hours of bonus content.
[2712.6s] Damn, that's a lot of bonus content.
[2714.2s] So much bonus content.
[2714.8s] You're just giving it away.
[2716.8s] And a lot of that is the side scrollers.
[2720.4s] Some of that is the full season of Facing Fate,
[2723.3s] which you can hear right to the completion right now.
[2726.2s] And part of it is even the Flammacons backstory.
[2728.9s] Flammacons backstory, which has Flammacons,
[2732.7s] which has Sean Howard GMing us playing Dungeon World.
[2738.6s] And there's a pirate ship.
[2740.2s] And there's a song.
[2741.2s] And there's a song.
[2742.4s] There's an original theme song.
[2743.6s] So much good stuff.
[2744.6s] Our good friend Travis Van Grof wrote us a sweet, sweet song
[2748.0s] that we just love to bits.
[2750.0s] And we would hope that you want to go check it out too.
[2752.9s] Which brings us to our final point.
[2754.6s] Today's episode featured David and Tiffany Albert
[2758.1s] of North by NorthQuest.
[2759.3s] And we just want to thank David and Tiffany
[2760.8s] who just showed up because they've been sitting here
[2762.4s] so quietly.
[2763.4s] Thank you, David and Tiffany.
[2764.8s] Of course.
[2765.3s] Thank you.
[2766.0s] You guys are lovely.
[2767.6s] So the funnest.
[2769.0s] If you want to tell everybody where they can find you
[2770.8s] real quick.
[2771.6s] For sure.
[2772.1s] Yeah, we are part of the North by NorthQuest podcast.
[2775.4s] You can find us on all the socials at NXNQuest
[2779.3s] or online at northbynorthquest.com.
[2783.0s] And literally anywhere you want to find a podcast
[2785.1s] because we're there.
[2785.9s] Yep.
[2786.4s] Drop us a line.
[2787.3s] Say hey.
[2788.1s] Tell us about how amazing Dumbgeons and Dragons is
[2791.5s] or if you want to start listening to us
[2794.0s] what your favorite character is.
[2795.2s] You know, that's always cool.
[2796.5s] And we want to say thank you for having us.
[2798.4s] Yes.
[2799.2s] We quick, quick little note.
[2801.6s] We had actually, we knew Russ and Amy a little
[2804.5s] kind of like online.
[2805.2s] But we got to hang out with them a lot at D&D Live
[2807.1s] and in person everything.
[2808.4s] It was nice to actually get to play with everybody
[2810.8s] and do this.
[2811.4s] So we appreciate y'all having us.
[2813.9s] And it was fun.
[2814.8s] Also, I got to play in episode one of podcast
[2817.2s] into Avernus and rusted number two.
[2819.4s] So it's been fun to play in with him
[2821.1s] and now play with him as well.
[2822.8s] So tick your dungeon master at the end of the night.
[2825.9s] Oh, yeah.
[2826.8s] We sent you a box.
[2828.8s] Yes, we did.
[2829.3s] I forgot about that.
[2831.5s] And now we're going to get you back to the episode.
[2833.5s] Thank you very much.
[2835.2s] All the links that we mentioned today
[2837.0s] are down in the description.
[2838.2s] So go check all of that stuff out.
[2840.5s] Thank you very much.
[2841.2s] Enjoy the rest of this Turnt Gobble's jam quest
[2844.7s] that we are on right now.
[2847.3s] Keep jamming.
[2847.9s] Get your best game of Mad Libs ever.
[2849.5s] So good.
[2850.2s] OK, bye, everybody.
[2851.7s] Bye.
[2852.3s] Bye.
[2855.1s] Yeah, you stab into this goblin side
[2858.4s] and we're going to say that this is the one
[2859.7s] that circumference hit as well on his second,
[2862.2s] on his like the second goblin he hit
[2864.8s] on his first swing.
[2865.7s] So you stab in and he falls off.
[2867.5s] So now you're on the face of this running goat
[2870.3s] who is running away.
[2874.0s] Oh.
[2876.3s] See you later, suckas.
[2878.0s] Birdie, you're up.
[2883.7s] Since the Gobbles are much closer now,
[2887.7s] Birdie is going to fling their crossbow back
[2890.3s] on their back and pull their short sword.
[2894.8s] They are going to cast wrathful smite on it.
[2900.4s] Which is going to cause extra damage,
[2904.7s] psychic damage if I hit.
[2908.0s] So let's try to hit them with my short sword.
[2911.5s] OK.
[2915.9s] So that's a 23.
[2918.0s] You got it.
[2919.1s] Perfect.
[2919.9s] So it's going to deal extra d6 of psychic damage
[2924.4s] and they need a wisdom saving throw
[2926.8s] or they're frightened of me.
[2930.3s] So that is 11 points of damage
[2935.1s] and then they need a wisdom save.
[2937.6s] They don't because they're obliterated.
[2941.9s] Yeah, I'm terrifying.
[2945.0s] Wouldn't have saved it anyways,
[2946.4s] but they explode in a goblin gut behind.
[2951.2s] And if I do my math correctly,
[2952.8s] that is all the goblin riding goats.
[2957.1s] So the goblins are, yes.
[2959.7s] So the goats just keep riding goblins.
[2963.4s] That is all the goblins that were on top of goats.
[2966.0s] The goats continue to run past Sully
[2968.0s] on the face of one moot.
[2971.2s] You are up.
[2972.4s] There are four goblins as far as you are aware
[2974.7s] that have run off into the trees
[2977.4s] in more flanking movements.
[2981.0s] Are any of them visible to me?
[2983.1s] Make an investigation check.
[2987.3s] I can do that.
[2989.2s] Oh, that's a nat 20.
[2990.3s] Hey!
[2991.2s] All that practice you were doing on the road
[2993.5s] is really paying off.
[2995.0s] Looking at stuff.
[2996.4s] And that's exactly it.
[2997.6s] All your practice,
[2998.6s] you watch them run off into the trees
[3000.0s] and you've been tracking one of them.
[3001.7s] You see one of them kind of poke its head out
[3003.7s] looking towards you
[3005.0s] and it has a crossbow in its hand.
[3007.9s] All right, I will unleash a ray of frost towards it.
[3012.4s] Okay.
[3013.2s] All right, I have to roll to hit
[3016.1s] for a ranged attack spell.
[3018.6s] That is a 17.
[3019.8s] 17 will hit.
[3021.0s] This beam of frosty light shoots out of my hands,
[3025.9s] hits its square in the shoulder,
[3028.1s] and it takes seven cold damage.
[3031.3s] You see it look panicked
[3034.6s] as this ray of frost shoots out,
[3036.5s] hits part of the tree,
[3038.2s] but also the goblin.
[3040.0s] And it doesn't look like it moves,
[3042.1s] but it's frosted all along the side
[3045.1s] and it no longer is moving after that.
[3048.0s] It is frozen in place.
[3049.9s] Moot kind of just like blows on his hand.
[3053.2s] Glim, you are up.
[3056.0s] Can I roll perception
[3057.7s] to see if I see any of the ones in the woods?
[3063.2s] It's not great.
[3064.2s] It's a 12.
[3066.0s] You see movement.
[3067.2s] You don't see the goblin specifically,
[3069.4s] but you see movement.
[3070.2s] There's kind of sound of rustling trees
[3073.3s] and bushes nearing your location
[3077.6s] on either side of this path.
[3079.9s] Okay.
[3080.3s] Well, it's just swinging there
[3081.7s] with the old war pick.
[3082.8s] Why not?
[3085.4s] That is a 19.
[3086.9s] Just bushwhacking over there.
[3088.1s] Yeah, you run in thinking
[3090.4s] you know where you're going
[3091.8s] and you swing down hard into a goblin.
[3094.8s] You can roll damage.
[3099.2s] 11.
[3100.3s] No.
[3100.8s] Yes, 11.
[3101.8s] No, I'm lying.
[3102.7s] 10.
[3104.0s] That was a ride.
[3104.7s] That was real hard.
[3108.0s] That was, sorry, damage?
[3110.2s] 10.
[3112.0s] Hard into a surprised goblin
[3114.1s] who didn't see you coming
[3115.6s] and you catch it right in the top of the head
[3119.2s] and it is dead.
[3120.9s] There are two more goblins in trees
[3123.1s] and they let loose two crossbow bolts,
[3126.8s] one towards Damian
[3130.4s] and one towards Moot.
[3133.4s] Enough.
[3135.3s] You still have that extra armor class.
[3138.5s] Damian, that's going to be a 6.
[3141.2s] I'm thinking that's not going to hit.
[3143.2s] No.
[3144.4s] Moot, that's going to be a 15.
[3147.6s] Oh, the extra armor class isn't enough.
[3149.6s] It will.
[3150.0s] Okay, a shot, a bolt comes flying out
[3155.3s] and you will take 6 piercing damage.
[3160.4s] That's like a good chunk of my hit points.
[3163.6s] We're very soft new characters.
[3166.1s] I didn't expect you guys to stir up the whole fucking nest.
[3169.4s] Are you less than half?
[3171.3s] Is that what you said?
[3172.2s] Not yet.
[3172.7s] No, I'm still above half.
[3173.9s] Okay.
[3174.6s] I can help you if you get too low.
[3177.5s] I will keep you posted
[3178.8s] because it's probably going to happen.
[3179.6s] You got three pAlydins in the group.
[3184.8s] The two goblins.
[3185.6s] You see where the bolts come from
[3187.2s] revealing their location.
[3189.3s] The wagons are turned right around now
[3193.4s] and are beginning to follow the goats
[3195.2s] who have run past them.
[3196.7s] Damien, you are up.
[3198.4s] All right, so two questions.
[3199.5s] One is, can I see where any of the two remaining goblins are?
[3204.0s] And two, is there any sign of the big, big gobo at Honcho?
[3209.9s] You did not see specifically any goblin larger
[3214.4s] than the other ones, if that's what you're going off of.
[3222.0s] Yeah, you do see where the bolts came from.
[3223.9s] You also see movement after the bolts were shot
[3227.4s] leading you to believe that they might be running.
[3231.0s] Okay, he's going to take chase
[3234.6s] or at least try to get to their position if he can.
[3236.6s] And if not, he's going to just try to follow after them.
[3239.9s] Okay, there's one on either side of the path.
[3244.9s] The right.
[3246.2s] Okay.
[3249.6s] That's the direction.
[3252.0s] Distance you're dashing.
[3253.9s] I'm dashing so I can get up to 60 feet.
[3256.8s] Okay, you dash into the wood following the movement
[3261.6s] and tracks that you find once you get to where you saw the bolt
[3266.0s] and you get within 10 feet of the goblin.
[3272.8s] You see it running back towards through the trees,
[3275.9s] kind of skipping and jumping through the bushes
[3278.4s] in order to get back to Daggerford.
[3280.5s] And I brandish my sword at it menacingly
[3282.8s] and say, I'll get you gobo on my next turn.
[3285.6s] And by next turn, I mean in about six seconds from now.
[3289.9s] You're the worst.
[3292.8s] Yes.
[3295.0s] Okay, Sully, you're on the face of a goat running the other way.
[3300.8s] As one does.
[3301.6s] So you're about 80 feet away from your friends.
[3307.8s] I want to kind of vault myself up and onto the back of this goat.
[3313.8s] Okay.
[3318.2s] Here for it.
[3319.8s] Give me an animal handling for this one.
[3322.1s] No, goat riding.
[3323.3s] Sully riding a goat always ends well.
[3325.5s] Wrong chant.
[3327.3s] Seven.
[3329.5s] It ended well.
[3333.2s] I am here for this.
[3334.4s] Okay, describe to me what Sully does
[3336.0s] and then I'll tell you what actually happens.
[3338.0s] Okay, well, Sully is thinking that if he just pulls hard enough
[3343.1s] down on the horns of this goat.
[3347.7s] I can see where the seven came in.
[3349.6s] That he is going to like propel himself like,
[3352.8s] woo, like legs like in the splits,
[3356.1s] like he does like like a little pike
[3358.7s] and then he's just going to land on the back of this goat.
[3365.2s] Which totally happens, right?
[3366.8s] Totally happens.
[3367.6s] So you pull down on the goat.
[3369.4s] I like ground this goat.
[3374.3s] Not knowing your own strength or the strength of the goat,
[3376.4s] you throw it down and it's panicked
[3378.8s] and it throws itself and rolls into the ground.
[3382.9s] You thinking you're going to land on a goat,
[3385.4s] land on the ground,
[3387.4s] only to see another goat running right towards you,
[3390.4s] make a dexterity saving throw.
[3391.9s] Not again.
[3393.2s] Man.
[3394.3s] 21.
[3397.1s] Failed it.
[3397.9s] Yeah.
[3398.9s] You see the goat running towards you and you nimbly dodge
[3401.9s] and with the saving throw of that,
[3404.0s] I think you pull yourself up onto this goat behind you.
[3407.3s] Oh, no.
[3409.1s] You meant to do that the whole time.
[3411.6s] Right?
[3412.5s] That other goat had it coming.
[3415.3s] I was like, fuck this goat.
[3419.0s] Are you turning the goat?
[3420.1s] Yes, I would like to turn the goat.
[3422.1s] Okay, you're turning the goat back towards the action.
[3423.5s] So now the goat's turned?
[3425.1s] Now the goat's turned.
[3428.0s] Birdie, you see Damien flee into the woods
[3432.0s] in chase of a goblin screaming something non sequitur.
[3435.8s] Oh, I'm coming too.
[3437.7s] And Birdie will follow to take on the other gobo.
[3441.7s] You follow to the other side.
[3443.2s] You make it two within five feet of that goblin.
[3447.8s] It was a little bit closer.
[3449.3s] I'm going to swing my short sword at them
[3451.6s] and I still have wrathful smite.
[3453.3s] But that is over 20.
[3459.7s] Over 20 doesn't hit goblins, come on now.
[3463.6s] All righty.
[3465.1s] So that is my dice are trying to attack.
[3469.7s] Okay, that is another 11 points of damage
[3474.9s] and another wisdom save or be terrified
[3478.0s] of the force of Birdie Lemieux.
[3479.8s] Or be butchered by Birdie Lemieux.
[3483.7s] The fear is strong with these gobos.
[3486.0s] Fear is strong.
[3486.9s] Yes, you cut that goblin down
[3488.5s] as it's running back towards Daggerford.
[3492.1s] So everybody else is kind of out of conflict.
[3495.3s] We'll go back to Damien who's chasing a goblin.
[3500.0s] Just the normal Tuesday.
[3503.3s] Birdie's following.
[3504.3s] You can hear the little pit.
[3505.6s] Yeah, but you're on the opposite side of the path.
[3507.3s] You're on the other side.
[3508.4s] Yep.
[3509.1s] Oh, I was following.
[3510.1s] Okay.
[3510.6s] You said I'm following
[3511.8s] and then ran in the complete opposite direction.
[3513.8s] I thought both of the goblins went in the same direction
[3523.7s] and they were just like one was on the right
[3526.0s] and one was on the left.
[3527.1s] But apparently it was the other right and left.
[3531.7s] I stand by my choices.
[3535.6s] Damien's going to actually try to dive
[3538.8s] and tackle this goblin to the ground.
[3541.6s] Okay.
[3542.2s] Yeah.
[3543.7s] You want to strength?
[3544.9s] Yeah, let's go.
[3546.1s] Yeah, strength.
[3546.4s] Grapple.
[3547.9s] Yeah.
[3548.8s] All right, 23.
[3551.2s] You do so.
[3552.6s] You leap out and you grab this three-foot goblin
[3556.6s] in your full plate armor and take it to the ground.
[3560.5s] Perfect.
[3561.3s] I'm going to take out my rope.
[3563.0s] I'm going to tie its hands behind its back.
[3565.3s] Going to hog-tie a goblin.
[3566.5s] I'm going to hog-tie the goblin.
[3568.0s] Then I'm going to carry the goblin back out of the woods.
[3571.5s] Full plate, cape billowing, goblin out in front of me
[3574.7s] saying, here you go.
[3577.1s] I figured, take it alive.
[3579.1s] Maybe we can get some information about this.
[3581.8s] I never tell you anything.
[3590.9s] Bertie's going to walk up to you
[3594.2s] and back you up and try to look intimidating.
[3598.1s] Is this good cop, bad cop?
[3599.7s] It's good cop, bad squire.
[3603.7s] Good.
[3604.3s] Wait.
[3604.7s] So, okay.
[3605.4s] Well, I'm a squire.
[3605.7s] Be a bad squire.
[3608.0s] So intimidating.
[3612.1s] I'm going to try to use intimidation.
[3614.0s] That's a 10.
[3617.3s] You are a giant purple bird.
[3619.7s] I'm like the same height as the goblin, but a bird.
[3622.8s] I ain't going to tell that big one anything.
[3624.7s] I'm going to tell you, fluffy feathers.
[3627.3s] Am I still riding this goat?
[3628.9s] You've arrived back on top of this goat.
[3631.3s] Okay.
[3631.7s] Sully arrives back on a goat.
[3634.8s] No one pays attention.
[3635.9s] It's like a normal Tuesday.
[3638.4s] Sully, we have a hostage.
[3640.5s] Do you want to try to puppet for information?
[3644.2s] Phrasing, sir.
[3645.2s] Yeah, well, I can ask you probably a couple questions.
[3647.9s] Yeah, question them.
[3650.5s] What's your name?
[3652.6s] I'm not telling you.
[3653.9s] How you doing?
[3655.5s] I'm having better days.
[3657.0s] Yeah, no, I feel you.
[3660.0s] Can I, um, uh, I'm not trying to hurt it, but I want to like blow my breath weapon
[3668.6s] like around it.
[3670.5s] What is that?
[3672.9s] I'll eat you.
[3674.9s] You'll eat me?
[3675.9s] Oh, yeah, if you don't give us the information we want.
[3678.5s] And change your ways for better.
[3681.3s] Oh, I changed my ways for better.
[3683.1s] I see how it is here.
[3684.6s] You're just a bunch of people trying to change the way goblins think, are you?
[3690.9s] No, no, man, you do you.
[3693.6s] But I mean, like, we just need to help the town and y'all seemed like you weren't
[3699.4s] helping the town.
[3700.4s] Help the town.
[3701.1s] You fired arrows into the into the citizens of the town.
[3706.9s] You're not the citizens of the town.
[3709.0s] The citizens of the town haven't come yet.
[3712.7s] We're here, aren't we?
[3714.6s] Find us keep us does not apply in this situation.
[3717.2s] I think there was nobody there.
[3719.7s] We went in.
[3720.9s] We was there.
[3722.2s] And then we got not a case of squatters.
[3724.5s] Right.
[3724.8s] Let's say we're going to get into a whole whole debate about squatters.
[3729.3s] Hold on.
[3730.1s] Where's noble Horace?
[3731.7s] Where's our noble noble gob?
[3734.3s] Where is the?
[3735.2s] Oh, yes.
[3735.9s] Yeah.
[3736.4s] Yes.
[3736.7s] I can't remember which voice I was using, but yes, this this is me.
[3740.1s] Yes.
[3740.9s] You're the one who said that this goblin, as he points to the other goblin, nameless
[3745.8s] goblin, said that they were bad.
[3749.1s] Maybe you should talk to the goblin.
[3754.5s] What kind of information are we trying to get here?
[3757.7s] Well, we need to resolve this turt gobo conflict.
[3762.8s] And, uh, well, we've resolved some of the gobos.
[3767.6s] With death.
[3768.5s] Well, yeah.
[3771.3s] To be fair, they attacked us on goats.
[3775.8s] That's true.
[3776.4s] We did.
[3777.1s] We did attack us on goats.
[3779.5s] So it was self goat defense.
[3784.9s] Also known as a clean bisection.
[3788.1s] So wait a second.
[3789.2s] All you want is to just rehabilitate this here property that we have maybe
[3795.9s] turned into a goblin village.
[3799.5s] Yes, that is correct.
[3800.8s] Yes.
[3802.5s] Is there a place for goblins in this goblin village?
[3805.5s] Oh, well, we can probably talk about that.
[3807.8s] There's a place for all goodly folk in this village.
[3810.9s] We were just charged with bringing goods and food and the like to the
[3816.1s] the starving and ill willed folks of Daggerford.
[3820.2s] You see, you're not supposed to tell them what's inside the caravan.
[3824.6s] You see their face.
[3825.3s] I didn't tell him that there was good food and bolts of cloth.
[3831.7s] Oh, well, why didn't you just say so?
[3834.0s] You could have strolled right on up.
[3835.6s] We would have let you rolled out the red carpet that you're carrying in there.
[3840.8s] I don't know if we have red.
[3842.1s] Do we have red?
[3842.9s] Red's kind of an expensive color.
[3845.1s] We would have known if Sully hadn't shot a bolt.
[3848.9s] Well, let's not point fingers and nothing.
[3851.6s] That's true.
[3852.6s] What if we were able to like strike some sort of deal with
[3856.6s] with the goblins currently live in there that we could maybe
[3859.9s] do this whole living in harmony kind of thing?
[3863.4s] What if we all got turnt with the goblins and it just became one real turnt town?
[3869.1s] A jam party.
[3870.3s] A jam party.
[3871.8s] Oh, you like jam too?
[3875.0s] We do like jam.
[3876.1s] We've heard a lot about this giant jar of jam.
[3878.4s] It's delicious.
[3879.6s] World's largest jar of jam.
[3882.1s] I mean, it's kind of like it's kind of like half empty now.
[3886.8s] Half full, depending on how you look at it.
[3890.0s] You don't need to be so negative.
[3890.9s] It's half full of jam, but it's still the largest jam jar.
[3895.8s] Too shit.
[3896.3s] I still want to see it regardless either way.
[3898.5s] All right.
[3898.9s] So what's in it for goblins?
[3900.2s] I can't just take you in there to be like, they've come to
[3904.2s] Partake in the jam?
[3905.7s] Take us out and partake in the jam and then kick us out on our tookuses.
[3910.1s] Well, what if we make a gobo district?
[3916.0s] Yeah, like a fun gobo neighborhood.
[3918.4s] A gobo neighborhood.
[3919.5s] Like a section of the town just for you.
[3923.7s] Wow.
[3924.9s] And more immediately, I will un-hogtie you and you will no longer be a hog a goblin.
[3930.6s] I mean, that might go a little bit of a ways in order to, you know,
[3935.2s] go on good faith, so to speak.
[3938.5s] Good faith, you won't even tell us your name.
[3941.3s] Well, so far you've murdered nine of my friends.
[3945.5s] That you did attack us on goats.
[3947.8s] After you murdered my best friend.
[3950.5s] Oh God, I'm so sorry.
[3952.1s] Best friend.
[3952.9s] That's unfortunate.
[3955.0s] He was out there.
[3955.9s] It was, he was one week from retirement.
[3959.9s] Oh no, did he have a retirement plan?
[3963.1s] We were going to go to a party.
[3965.1s] What was his life insurance fund like?
[3967.7s] Was he like a 401k or something like that?
[3970.6s] Goblins don't really have those sorts of things.
[3972.6s] I don't know if you know, we just kind of, we just kind of.
[3975.2s] With the fees.
[3977.5s] Okay, well why don't, look, I'm really, really sorry.
[3981.2s] Would some sunflower seeds make up for it?
[3984.5s] I do like sunflower seeds.
[3986.7s] Okay, I'm going to part with some of my secret stash
[3991.6s] that sir doesn't know about.
[3993.6s] What was that?
[3994.8s] Nothing.
[3995.5s] No, that one, sir.
[3997.5s] He's kind of a weird thing about him, doesn't he?
[4001.6s] Hey guys, I'm going to say something weird right now,
[4003.7s] but what if we were to donate our portion of our earnings
[4007.2s] for this trip to setting up the goblin district
[4011.3s] in this neighborhood as a show of good face
[4014.2s] and making like all harmony and stuff.
[4016.7s] You want to donate all 50 gold that we're getting
[4020.1s] for this trip to the goblins?
[4023.1s] Your number keeps changing every time man,
[4024.9s] before there was 100 gold in there.
[4027.9s] With possibility of 125.
[4029.9s] That's right.
[4030.6s] Yes.
[4031.6s] But you're not supposed to lead with that.
[4034.7s] Well.
[4035.0s] So is that sort of enough monies
[4037.1s] in order to set up a goblin district?
[4039.6s] Absolutely.
[4040.4s] I mean, it's definitely a good start.
[4042.3s] It's a good start.
[4042.9s] Especially since we're already setting up this city anyway.
[4047.6s] Yeah, it just gets set up with the city
[4050.7s] and you guys can decorate it however you like.
[4054.1s] You can reinvest it in the local economy?
[4056.5s] Yeah, and maybe just don't kill people and stuff.
[4060.8s] He's taking the seeds and eating them.
[4063.5s] It's like one at a time.
[4066.3s] Everybody who's trying to do this make a persuasion roll.
[4072.8s] Not Damien.
[4073.6s] He's still got them hot tied and holding them above the ground.
[4076.3s] 12.
[4078.8s] 16.
[4080.2s] 14.
[4080.6s] I'm good at that.
[4083.4s] 22.
[4085.8s] You know, the sunflower seeds are really selling it for me here.
[4090.2s] Okay, we can go back.
[4091.4s] We can talk to the boss.
[4094.1s] I can smooth things over,
[4095.8s] and we can set up this little district here
[4099.2s] as long as these seeds keep coming.
[4101.7s] Oh, yeah.
[4105.2s] It's just one at a time.
[4111.7s] Bertie looks at every seed that they hand you.
[4114.7s] They just look the tiniest bit sad that it had to go.
[4119.2s] Okay, as long as I'm still tied up and with you folks,
[4122.5s] I need to keep getting seeds.
[4124.1s] That's all I gotta say.
[4125.6s] I mean, we can untie you.
[4128.0s] I will untie you, but Bertie Little Mew will be
[4131.5s] in charge of you until we get back to the city.
[4135.6s] Unless I propose you take on the charge of Glim
[4140.3s] and become their squire.
[4144.0s] Oh, no, I don't think that's gonna happen.
[4147.7s] Why not?
[4148.9s] Haven't you wanted to see the world?
[4151.1s] I mean, I feel like this podcast has had a goblin,
[4157.0s] and I don't feel like maybe we need another one quite yet.
[4162.6s] What if we just try it out as we go back to Daggerford
[4167.9s] and we talk to your leader?
[4170.5s] Yeah.
[4171.2s] Your king?
[4173.3s] Jincy.
[4175.3s] Oh, Jincy.
[4176.3s] Okay.
[4177.6s] The local goblin comptroller.
[4182.6s] Squiredom is very fulfilling.
[4183.7s] And put forth our proposal.
[4186.2s] Right, right, right.
[4188.2s] Okay, well, let's do that.
[4193.4s] Do you take all the wagons with you
[4194.8s] or do you just go as a group?
[4196.7s] I think we take the wagons.
[4199.1s] It's a show of good faith.
[4199.8s] We're far too trusting.
[4201.2s] And we need to actually set up the town.
[4204.9s] So, interned gobo district.
[4208.5s] You make it back into the city
[4210.3s] because you have this goblin with you.
[4212.8s] You are allowed through the gates
[4215.2s] and they let all the wagons through.
[4216.6s] And you get into the center of town
[4218.3s] where the goblin leader, Jincy, comes out.
[4223.2s] And she is a large goblin for goblin standards.
[4228.6s] And she's wearing furs and chains.
[4233.5s] And she comes out and she says,
[4235.4s] what is going on out here?
[4238.8s] Well.
[4239.9s] Hello.
[4241.2s] They've come.
[4241.8s] They've got seeds.
[4243.9s] They untied me.
[4246.7s] I'm going to gliss over the fact
[4248.1s] because we're trying to build bridges here
[4250.7s] that they may have killed a few of us.
[4254.5s] We're fine about that.
[4255.3s] Let's not talk about that.
[4256.3s] Yeah, we're fine about that.
[4257.9s] We would like to talk with you
[4260.5s] about setting up a goblin district in this city
[4265.5s] to live harmoniously with the rest of the people
[4269.1s] coming to live here.
[4271.0s] We'll say that you go through the whole spiel
[4273.4s] that you just went through with the first goblin.
[4275.3s] Everybody roll persuasion again.
[4281.7s] 18.
[4282.3s] 18.
[4282.7s] 18.
[4283.3s] Oh, 17.
[4284.5s] 18.
[4286.8s] You finish your speech.
[4289.0s] And Jincy, who's drinking from a mug
[4292.9s] that's much too large for her.
[4294.4s] You're not sure what she's drinking.
[4296.3s] It doesn't look like anything that should be consumed.
[4299.8s] How turnt would you say she is?
[4300.9s] Super turnt.
[4302.5s] Hold on.
[4303.0s] Let me roll for turnt.
[4304.5s] Real turnt.
[4305.3s] I mean, that's a 10.
[4307.8s] So I mean, on a turnt scale, it's pretty good.
[4310.1s] So 50% turnt.
[4311.0s] She's getting there.
[4312.2s] Yeah.
[4313.1s] Um, she ponders everything that's been said.
[4316.5s] And she says, all right.
[4318.4s] All right.
[4318.7s] But you don't think they're going to want to kick us out.
[4321.2s] They're just going to put us into a little section
[4323.1s] that's just for us.
[4324.0s] And we get to partake in all of the things.
[4326.3s] The 401K that you mentioned earlier,
[4329.3s] the life insurance policies.
[4332.6s] Well, I think that's based upon your individual employer.
[4336.7s] But I think as long as you don't kill anybody,
[4338.8s] everybody will be fine.
[4341.2s] You just have to be good neighbors.
[4343.8s] Yes.
[4345.0s] There's a lot of reward to come with
[4347.0s] just making sure you're not killing your neighbors.
[4349.7s] That's true.
[4350.6s] All right.
[4351.0s] You have full buy-in and support of Little Goblin Town.
[4355.7s] Turnt Gobbo District.
[4357.3s] I like that.
[4358.0s] You know, the name's not important.
[4360.0s] But you know what?
[4361.0s] This isn't, this isn't an official deal
[4363.7s] until we celebrate with jam.
[4367.4s] Jam.
[4367.8s] Finally.
[4368.6s] Jam.
[4369.2s] Jam.
[4369.7s] Jam.
[4370.0s] Jam.
[4370.8s] Jam.
[4371.9s] All the Goblins are enchanting along with you
[4374.3s] as they carry you forth through the city
[4376.6s] towards the world's largest jam jar,
[4379.5s] which is now in dagger version, of course.
[4383.3s] And it is half full.
[4386.2s] It's also their primary mode of tourism commerce
[4391.3s] for this town.
[4392.2s] Yeah.
[4392.6s] It's good to have a plan of tourism commerce
[4396.9s] when creating a new town.
[4398.5s] That's right.
[4399.3s] Well, especially when it falls in the Goblin District.
[4402.6s] So they're going to be in charge of running it.
[4404.2s] That's true.
[4404.4s] They got to keep that stuff.
[4405.0s] See, we've already helped them create income
[4409.3s] in their district.
[4409.6s] They've got a nice little economy going.
[4411.2s] Plus, I imagine they'll start some,
[4413.0s] like the best nightclubs will be in the Goblin District.
[4415.3s] Oh, yeah.
[4415.8s] Where everybody goes to get turnt.
[4417.4s] It's going to be amazing.
[4418.4s] It's great.
[4419.4s] What kind of jam is it?
[4421.1s] It's...
[4421.6s] Strawberry.
[4423.1s] Strawberry.
[4424.3s] Oh, hard.
[4425.5s] Hardly strawberry right there.
[4427.4s] Strawberry jam.
[4428.9s] It's been in my head since the start of like...
[4431.7s] It's like a cartoon strawberry just painted on.
[4436.0s] It might not actually be real strawberry jam.
[4438.3s] It might be some other flavor,
[4439.3s] but they painted a strawberry on it.
[4441.2s] And so Bertie is convinced.
[4443.8s] So as we're walking towards the jam,
[4447.1s] Damian sensing that the end of this quest
[4451.8s] is kind of wrapping up prior to whatever his
[4454.4s] and Bertie Lemuse is about to be next time.
[4456.6s] And he decides to kind of slip off
[4458.6s] and have a quick moment with each of the three new friends
[4461.3s] that he's made.
[4462.8s] First, he walks over to Glim amidst the crowd.
[4465.9s] And he says, again, not in his usual boisterous manner.
[4470.9s] Glim, you have great potential
[4473.6s] and the practice that we've had over the last few days,
[4476.7s] I am very much impressed with your early dueling skills.
[4480.2s] I really think you have a knack.
[4482.0s] And I have seen people set out on this road and fail before.
[4486.7s] I truly believe you will not be one of those people.
[4489.3s] Good luck with your quest going forward.
[4492.0s] Thank you.
[4492.6s] Thank you, sir.
[4493.6s] Oh, it's so nice.
[4495.7s] Yes.
[4496.1s] And then he walks over to Moot and he slips Moot a note
[4503.0s] that has scribbled on it.
[4505.7s] All he says is some of this information
[4507.9s] may be useful to you going forward.
[4510.7s] I do not know, but we are not going in this direction.
[4513.2s] So maybe it will help you.
[4514.8s] And it has like secondhand rumors,
[4517.8s] notes about cult members taking over towns
[4520.6s] and making them like home bases,
[4523.0s] having illusionary effects, kind of hiding undead,
[4526.3s] stuff of that nature.
[4527.6s] But it's all kind of scribbled
[4528.9s] and it's information he's captured from other people.
[4532.1s] That's not too clear of a note that you can tell,
[4535.3s] but definitely information though
[4536.4s] that maybe will help you going forward.
[4538.2s] Awesome.
[4539.0s] Then Damian walks over to Sully,
[4542.6s] who's kind of falling back
[4543.9s] because poor Sully is definitely very tired.
[4547.0s] And Damian leans down
[4549.7s] and kind of gives Sully a very light punch
[4553.7s] on the upper shoulder and goes,
[4556.4s] please don't make me regret this.
[4557.9s] I will tell the other two I'm giving you this.
[4561.4s] And he gives the entire bAlydince of the 500 gold
[4564.6s] over to Sully the direction we're going.
[4568.2s] We're going to be in a good spot.
[4569.8s] I want to make sure the three of you are well suited
[4572.6s] for the days to come.
[4573.8s] And he hands the whole pouch of gold
[4575.6s] over to Sully for the group.
[4577.1s] Say, ah, thanks man.
[4578.2s] You made a good choice.
[4579.1s] Those other two, they're very frivolous.
[4582.1s] Moot, Glynn, Sully has your gold.
[4586.6s] Don't let him tell you otherwise.
[4590.5s] And you look in front of you
[4591.8s] and Bertie has tried to climb into the jam jar.
[4597.0s] Can we just like exit out
[4598.3s] without having like a giant jam party?
[4601.2s] Like we're throwing handfuls of jam at each other.
[4606.9s] We fade out on the caravan drivers,
[4610.2s] the guards that were and the goblins in Daggerford
[4614.2s] awaiting the arrival of the citizens of Daggerford.
[4658.9s] The intro and extra music long road ahead
[4661.5s] is by Kavin McLeod of incompetech.filmmusic.io.
[4664.7s] All other music, sound effects and ambience
[4667.4s] can be found at epidemicsound.com.
[4670.2s] A huge thank you to our supporting producers,
[4672.5s] Gabriel Lynch, Joshua Dixon, Ryan Cushman,
[4676.2s] Cat Waterflame, and Jacob Madden.
[4678.5s] To become a patron, visit Patreon.com
[4680.7s] slash dumb dragon cast where you get exclusive content
[4683.7s] including an entire exclusive campaign,
[4687.0s] Dumgeon's downtime episodes,
[4689.5s] early access to our new show, Facing Fate,
[4691.8s] as well as a whole slew
[4693.4s] of other amazing bonus exclusive content.
[4696.2s] Visit Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast
[4699.1s] to check it out today.
[4701.3s] Sorry, I wasn't expecting this to happen.
[4703.5s] Hold on.
[4705.0s] You weren't expecting us to fight goblins?
[4708.6s] Well, not in this fashion.
[4712.6s] To be honest.
[4714.1s] Well, you're a GM.
[4715.6s] You should know we were automatically
[4717.0s] going to be fucking with your plans, so.
[4719.1s] Yeah, you did it.
[4721.0s] We did it.
[4721.5s] You did it.
[4723.2s] Yay.
[4723.8s] Congratulations, everyone.
[4725.7s] Hey, when you offer turnt goblins.
[4729.6s] You better deliver some turnt goblins.
[4731.3s] Turnt goblins.
[4732.3s] And you had Sully be like, I'm going to shoot it.
[4735.5s] You should have known.
[4737.1s] Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.